Keeping with my apparent need to destroy my hands....

Picture, if you will, the following:

I am sitting at my desk with my thermos in front of me (YES, I USE A STAINLESS STEEL THERMOS FOR MY WATER, SHUT UP). The lid is a flip lid with a somewhat gummy-textured straw inside. Because of the straw, when the lid is not SNAPPED shut, it rests and bounces on the straw. I had the lid resting and bouncing on said straw, with my chin resting and bouncing on said lid. My fingers of my left hand, stupidly, were wrapped around the thermos right at the crack where the lid closes.

Then I abruptly sneezed my face off.

If you guessed that the lid proceeded to snap shut on a sliver of skin all the way around my thumb and index finger, you would be absolutely correct.

I am the God of Morons. Offer me your virgins.