I was a crappy cheerleader and a crappier girl scout.

You guys want any cookie dough?

You don't have to actually make cookies out of it if you don't want to.

Commmeeee onnnn.

My kid's going to be the lame one that has to watch all the over-achievers claim their prizes. I've sold so little cookie dough. I've actually had to manipulate purchases out of people. For example:

Me: Cookie dough. How many tubs can I put you down for?
Innocent Coworker: I still have a couple in my freezer that I've never made from-
Me: What, like three? Round it out at a nice five?
Coworker: I don't actually bake them.
Me: Did you know my very smart son attends a school that consistently scores too low on standardized testing? Probably because they don't make enough money on cookie dough to afford school supplies.
Coworker: I really don't want it, though. Can I just donate money?
Me: Just buy a tub and give it to me afterwards. I eat food.
Coworker: Oh.... okay, then. What flavor do you want?

I am going to have so many tubs of cookie dough.

And that's my success story. But the kids at school aren't going to care about that when they point and laugh at Riley as he steps up to accept his.... let me consult the prize book.... "Scent"sable Pencil and Eraser.... and stands next to Joe Cookieseller with his flat screen tv. Stupid Joe, I hate that guy.

In other news, I enrolled in online classes and am working towards a degree in SOUL-LESSNESS. Seriously, that's what my degree will be for. It's spelled the same way as "Accounting" though. This doesn't mean I've given up on my awesome plans to somehow get paid just for breathing and sometimes passing gas. I will eventually still do that. Maybe when I'm 70 or something, if I haven't drained my IRA and if Social Security exists and is worth anything by then. I'll probably even pass a LOT of gas, then. But for now, I'm going to shoot for being an auditor or a CPA and try to make enough money to buy a Camaro and lots of MUTHA-EFFIN' TUBS OF COOKIE DOUGH.

Because although it may be cheaper to just buy a TV, in the end, I really like cookies.

O hai.

Sorry that I've forgotten about you. You see, I am doing constructive things, like trying to not be fat and lazy and sloppy and broke and unhappy. I'll elaborate.

A couple months ago, I started keeping a journal in which I make weekly resolutions. My first (unwritten) resolution was to not fill this journal with tripe and depression the way I have every journal before it. My recent expedition into the towers of boxes to find my art supplies revealed a graveyard of half-filled journals, all lamenting one thing or another and showing obvious evidence of having had pages torn from them again and again. These books, where they should provide a nostalgic timeline of my youth, absolutely offend me with their stupidity and uselessness. You couldn't pay me enough to revisit the crap that I've written there. I'll probably feel the same way about this blog in a year or so. It's the way I roll, baby. In any case, since I'm rambling, I vowed to myself to only be positive and encouraging and stay on topic with this most recent effort, and I've done so rather well thus far.

The premise is that each week I make three small resolutions- nothing huge like "Give up food", though that would be helpful. They're small things like "start flossing twice a day", "unpack the boxes in the office", "find a new pediatrician". That way they're attainable and still leave me feeling accomplished. Yet somehow, I've managed to not accomplish them lately, and that is the opposite of motivating. So I've been trying to get back to working on those, and it's left me distracted when paired with the other thing that still shall-not-be-named. You know, that potentially life-changing idea I had? I made a smart decision about it and recruited one of my brothers. This is smart because he's pursuing his end of the bargain ravenously, which means I am less likely to give up on mine. This brain works sometimes.

Anyway, to get to what you care about, I'll talk about my kids now.

It's been a battle of wills at our house lately. Riley is a force to be reckoned with, but the struggle to find a middle ground continues. I am not sure if he is still adjusting to having a little sister with whom he must share attention, but he's been particularly hard to get along with. I can readily admit that Russell and I aren't hugely patient, and I'm sure that has a lot to do with it, but we're making an effort to fix that. I also believe with all my heart that- while studies have shown there are some benefits to a child having two working parents- Riley does not get enough time with us. I think it would help if I had more time at home with him. I am at a loss of how to remedy this, but I'll explore all options nonetheless.

There are still peaceful times to be had, though few and far between. This past weekend, I was able to enjoy a long stretch of time with both kids in the playroom while Russell was at work. Here are some pictures I took on my phone:



Looks like fun, right? But Riley only likes letters.



So he starts a game of "Letter Swap"

While Zoey attempts to stealthily and quickly sneak pieces of Riley's toys up the stairs.

I am not sure why there's a grey bar along the bottoms of my pictures. This isn't really an explanatory caption at all, is it?

Other than that, Zoey's halloween costume came yesterday, and Riley's is coming today. I've also got a business meeting with my brother tonight, and tomorrow is my Friday, so some things to look forward to : ) Have a good rest of the week.

New Phone and Old Habits

This was one of my three day weekends, and I am happy to report that I did not spend the ENTIRE TIME playing old computer games.

Only, like, half the time. The other half was mostly spent eating or sleeping. Oh, and I have a family too.

I was happy to see that AT&T was giving me my phone upgrade a month early, so I could get rid of the awful Samsung Captivate I was using. My HTC Inspire arrived on Friday, and so far it's awesome. It contains an 8 MP camera- that's more than my damned digital kodak. Revel in the glory:

The peas are so DISGUSTINGLY detailed, they may as well be on YOUR face.

I wish I could take a picture OF my phone, WITH my phone. Cause it's pretty awesome looking. Weighs about as much as my daughter, but what can ya do?

Other than getting my phone, this weekend was spent completely blowing my diet all to hell by eating Chicago dogs from Sonic on TWO different occasions, chili-cheese fries, a beer, and more Salted Caramel Mochas from Starbucks than I even care to admit. Those things are amazing. Oh, and did I mention playing old computer games? I am basically a fat, lazy slob that should probably find a bucket to pee in so I don't have to trudge up the stairs to use the bathroom.

But I am happy to announce that I also did other things, mostly today, like grocery shop, clean my closet, laundry, and now I am tackling the painful process of transferring all of my music onto the computer to then upload to my cloud drive while Russell watches football. Right now my computer is coughing and choking on a "mix tape" cd an ex-boyfriend made for me about 12 years ago. Take it, damn it, Computer. Take it like a man. I could be playing Gabriel Knight right now. Productivity hurts.

Farewell to another weekend. May the week to come go by quickly.